6/1/2008

on this day.. one year ago.. I was having just about the worst day of my life. Mentally, physically.. and definitely emotionally. We had been told a few days prior that we had lost our baby. I was a complete wreck, but I was trying to keep it together. It was a Sunday morning.. and I was at work.. I had been there probably 2 hours, when the pains kicked in. I felt like I was going to freakin' die.. I was scheduled to have my DNC on the 3rd, but I was told that my body might go ahead and push the baby out. Which is exactly what was happening. I was back and forth to the restroom, and finally I couldn't take it anymore and I let the girls at work know that I had to leave. I was in a bit of shock at the mess (literately) that I was dealing with, I just couldn't believe this was happening to me, to us. I got home and layed down, I was cramping so bad that I couldn't lay still. I was basically in labor. Even though the baby was tiny.. no bigger than a bean.. it still hurt like hell!! I remember getting ready for bed and I just threw myself down and had a little tantrum because the pain was so intense. By the next morning, everything had run it's course.. I was still a wreck, but I wasn't cramping anymore. The good news was that I wouldn't have to have the surgery after all.. so I was happy about that. Even though a year has past, I'm not completely over it.. (I doubt I will be until I have our baby in my arms) ..but it has definitely gotten easier to talk about.


Diego and I are approaching our "let's try this again" phase.. so we'll see how it goes. Pregnancy is something that I want to enjoy without worry but to be honest, after everything that happened.. I don't think that's possible. I am scared to death. I just pray everything goes smoothly next time around. We have mentioned to a few people that we would like our child to be born in the spring near our birthdays.. so I am hoping to be pregnant before summers end. We shall see.....